What many people don’t understand about LOVE

My love…

1. There will be times I will be so mad at you and cold towards you. It’s not that I hate you. I am just disappointed by what you did, my love hasn’t gone any where.

2. There will be times I will not spend as much time with you as you wish me to. It’s not that I am ignoring you, I am working hard for our future.

3. There will be times I will say or do something wrong. It’s not that I meant to hurt you, we all fall short sometimes. Forgive me, teach me to love you.

4. There will be friends in my life. But never doubt that you are my first priority.

5. There will be moments I will not be that conversational, I will not be so fun to talk with. It’s not that I find you boring. My mood has changed, I need some minutes to myself, I will come around.

6. There will be moments where I want to scream at you and say all that is in my head in anger. It’s not that you are my enemy, but sometimes you get on my nerves. I will control my temper and my tongue, you’re still the one that I love.

7. There will be moments where you want sex but I will not be up to it. It’s not that I don’t find you sexy anymore or I am cheating on you. I am just tired, allow me to rest and I will sex you good when I am refreshed. I love the sex in our marriage.

8. There will be wonderful people of the opposite gender at work and in public, they dress well and are successful; some of them more successful than you. It doesn’t mean I will abandon you and chase after them.

9. There will be moments where I will be tough on you. It’s not that I am trying to change you or treat you like a baby. I am only challenging you to be better because I know your potential.

10. There will be moments where I forget things, special dates or a duty I said I will do. It’s not that I am taking you for granted, sometimes in this busy life, the mind forgets.

11. There will be days when things between us will get so tough and we might seem like we are falling apart. It’s not that I am letting go, it’s just a passing storm. Don’t ever doubt my love.

Life has ups and downs, no day is the same. But love, love is constant.

The Two Types of Men Women Should be Aware of

1. One man will tell you “I love you” because he wants to sleep with you and then he’s on to the next; another man will tell you “I love you” because he means it and needs you in his today and future.

2. One man will make only you feel special; another man will make you and several other women feel special and keep you ladies from finding each other out.

3. One man will take a while before committing to you because he wants you and him to be sure you are meant to be; another man will take a while because he is not serious and is wasting your time.

4. One man will be a mama’s boy, controlled by his mother; another man will respect and love his mother but be his own man.

5. One man will be full of pride and will talk to you with a demeaning tone; another man will be proud to be your man.

6. One man will truly be a man after God’s own heart, with a personal relationship with God; another one will pretend to be Godly in order to win your heart because he knows you want a Godly man, the real him will be revealed once he gets you.

7. One man will be stingy with his money and not spend it on you or your future; another man will be economical, choosing not to waste money on luxury and expensive dates because he is investing in your joint future.

8. One man will keep you a secret, hiding you from the public and his friends and family; another man will make it known to the public you are his and he will keep your secrets safe and your issues private.

9. One man will seek to judge you and will destroy your self esteem; another one will seek to understand you and will boost your confidence and self esteem.

10. One man will come into your life to derail you, distract you, waste you, stress you and will suppress your dreams; another one will come into your life to inspire you, keep you focused, build you, give you peace and help you achieve your dreams and purpose.

11. One man will come to hurt you through sex and unfaithfulness; another man will come to give you a marriage of great sex, and the fulfillment of faithfulness.

12. One man will come to mislead you with lies; another will come to mould you with the truth no matter how tough.

13. One man will come to hear you out, reason with you and seek your advice; another man will come to silence your voice, over power you and ignore you.

14. One man will come in the name of lust; another man will come in the name of love.

15. One man will be a temporary mistake that will leave a lasting wound; another will be a permanent blessing that will impact your life for good.

May you be able to discern well.

Where to get marriage advice

1. “From those who have been successfully married for years”

They will teach you that marriage has seasons. They will demonstrate to you that marriage does work and teach you what it takes to make it work based on their real experience.

2. “From the divorced”

They will teach you how real the problems in marriage are. They will explain to you the pain of losing a marriage and why you shouldn’t go there, warning you of things to look out for so that you protect your marriage.

3. “From children”

Children know more than we give them credit for. They are brutally honest and their love is pure. They will reveal to you how a failed marriage hurts them and a working marriage blesses them. They are the biggest losers when husband and wife fail.

4. “From newly weds”

They will remind you of the promise of love. They are the embodiment of how love should be, love undefiled before the storms of life come in. A couple that has been married for years and their marriage in shambles can look at newly weds and be reminded of the love they had before they let life’s issues divide them.

5. “From a spiritual leader”

A spiritual leader has walked with many couples and is prayerful and wise. This leader will tell you there is nothing new under the sun, that every marriage undergoes similar challenges and those challenges can be worked on.

6. “From the unmarried”

Sometimes people who are married can be so caught up in their mess that it takes someone from outside to open their eyes. Sometimes you need someone outside the marriage institution to show you how you and your spouse are acting childish and foolish, how you are ruining such an important institution on petty things.

7. “From those who grew up in a broken home”

They have witnessed first hand the pain of a toxic marriage, they know how it hurts and will advise you against poisoning and ruining your own marriage.

8. “From those who grew up in a stable home”

They will help you see the benefit of loving your spouse. They will give you evidence why it is in your best interest and that of your children to make your marriage work.

9. “From Scripture”

Marriage is God’s idea. The truths to live by in keeping marriage together are found in Scripture.

10. “From a counselor”

They have seen many marriages thrive and others fail, equipping them with wisdom. They have the gift of looking at the bigger picture, breaking down issues and helping you find a solution.

11. “From a wife who was beaten up and betrayed by her husband”

To the woman, she will teach why it is important to choose the right man and the consequence of giving your life to a man who is dangerous. To the man, she will teach how a man can mess up a woman’s life and show him why he needs to care for his wife.

12. “From a husband who messed up his marriage”

He will teach fellow men why wrecking your own home is not worth it.

13. “From a single parent”

He/she will remind why you should count yourself blessed to have a spouse to love you, to raise children with, to be your companion, to grow old with. Some married people don’t know how good they have it.

Marriage is an institution that affects everyone. So one can learn from so many sources!

11 Crucial moments a woman needs her man to say “I LOVE YOU”

1. When her day isn’t going well. It gives her something to smile about.

2. When she tells him they are going to have a baby. It affirms to her she will not go through parenthood alone.

3. During a fight or argument. It reminds her that though they are in friction, her place in his life is still secure.

4. When she serves him food or does him good. It shows her appreciation and that he is not using her, she is not his househelp.

5. When she has doubts about his love for her. Sometimes a woman just needs confirmation.

6. When she shines in public and succeeds. It means a lot, his notice of her progress means more than the public’s applause.

7. When she does wrong, offends him or feels she has failed. It affirms her his love hasn’t changed.

8. After making love. It tells her he is not interested in only sex, but her as his wife.

9. When she tells him “I love you”. One of the heartbreaking things to a woman is telling her man she loves him and he says nothing in return, or says ‘Thank you’ or ‘I know’. She needs to know the love is mutual. Sometimes a woman will say “I love you” and judge her man’s response to gauge whether things are OK between them.

10. When their lips part after a session of kissing. One of the qualities of a man who is a good kisser, is sealing his sweet kisses with his sweet words “I love you”.

11. In the presence of family and friends. She loves it when he loves her in private and in public. She is your woman, you treat her well, you nurture her as her man, she is your life partner and future; be proud of her.

6 ATTRACTIVE THINGS GIRLS DO WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING

Women have this magic power to drive men crazy, no matter whether it is in a good or in a bad way. At the end of the day, men go crazy for us.

When I was talking with my male friends, they mentioned how women do so many attractive things that we are not even aware of.

After a while of talking with them, I realized that some of those things are completely random and I would have never guessed that those things are attractive to them.

That is why, for my fellow women out there, to make you realize how amazing you are and to be more aware of how you are actually getting all the attention of men, without you even knowing, here are all those attractive things you are doing that seemed to be just regular things to you.

1. When you walk with your head held high

It is not arrogant to love yourself! While you are walking with your head held high like you own the world, a man is looking at you and admiring you for sure!

When a woman is walking like she is insecure and anxious for some reason, men can only assume that she isn’t interested in any kind of communication, nor is she someone they would approach, for insecurity simply is not attractive

But if we are talking about a woman who is walking while she is proud of herself, her shoulders held back and her eyes pointed at her target, she can be sure to attract some looks.

2. When you take the lead in certain situations

Although men like to play the alpha in relationships, like they own the place and they are the ones who are asked for anything, there are still times when they find it to be extremely attractive when girls take the lead.

To be honest, there is something sexy about an empowered woman who has the guts to cut the crap when a man is being too childish and immature.

3. When you are really excited about something

It’s sexist to say that a woman needs to smile and be happy because that makes her more beautiful and so on.

But seeing a woman be excited isn’t sexist at all! It means that a man truly cares if you are happy in your life and what is surrounding you.

When you’re excited about something that happened, he sees that you care about something, especially if it is something related to your relationship.

A moment of your happiness and excitement for something that he has done for you or something that is happening in your life is more attractive to him than make-up or a nice dress.

4. When you are ‘looking comfy’

To look ‘comfortable’ in a man’s eyes means that you are in your pajamas, surrounded by pillows and blankets, eating your favorite ice cream and watching TV.

You look so fragile and cute when you are in this state, simply because you are putting your guard down, all for him.

You are in your ‘natural habitat’, you are showing him the ‘every day you’ without any mask and hiding nothing from him.

It’s like you are sharing with him a very intimate moment and it’s not sex. That really is attractive.

5. When you are asking for help

In a world of strong, independent women, and men who have been told that they need to protect women, it’s very hard to find balance.

When you go to him and ask him to help you reach something or help you open a jar, he will feel like a real man and if a woman can make him feel that then she is the most attractive person in his eyes.

You didn’t even know that it was something that was interesting to him or a turn-on, you might have just needed help, but he will for sure feel more attracted to you.

6. When you are there for them

We can all agree on the fact that we are all attracted to people who show us that we can count on them.

The same goes for guys! They find a woman to be extremely attractive simply for the fact that she was there for them when they were sick.

If you take care of him for a while when he truly needs you, that will mean the world to him.

Reasons Your Man Struggles to Talk to You

Heated argument
1. “You complain more than you compliment”

It is difficult for a man to enjoy talking with a woman who has nothing good to say, a woman who is constantly saying “You can’t do anything right”, “You are late”, “You are difficult”. In as much as you want to let him know when he does wrong, learn to praise him and appreciate him more.

2. “You constantly make it about you”

This keeps him from enjoying conversations with you since you turn everything to be about you, what you want, what you can’t accept and what pleases only you.

3. “You whine a lot”

If you have a negative tendency of stating how life is unfair to you, how you are always the victim, everyone is always wrong and you are always right; that is a major turn off.

4. “You disclose his secrets”

When you tell your sisters, mom, friends about sensitive matters between you and him, he will keep things from you.

couple-arguing
5. “You jump into conclusions”

Your husband wants to share things with you, his finances, his time with his friends even when other women attempt to get him knowing well he is taken. But if you are quick to conclude he is cheating, dishonest or suspicious; he won’t bother.

6. “You respect the Pastor more”

Many wives elevate their Pastor above their husband. Whatever the Pastor says is right, the Pastor gets better treatment than the husband, the Pastor knows the secrets of the marriage and directs the marriage from outside. When your husband sees that to you your Pastor comes first, he will withdraw.

7. “You judge him”

If you are quick to label your man as lazy, weak, not man enough, immature, difficult instead of understanding him, he will quite down and choose not to be free, open and trusting with you. He will not feel safe to confide in you.

8. “Your tone and facial expression”

If your tone speaks of condemnation and disrespect, and your facial expression shows you are ready to go to war, he will feel unwelcome in your space and keep to himself.

9. “You belittle him”

If you rarely appreciate his efforts, he will let you protect himself from you.

10. “You admire other men”

If you keep telling him why he can’t be like other men and praise other men above him, he will see no need to tell you stuff.

11. “You use his words against him”

A man will not give you the ammunition to bring him down. He will share as less with you as possible if you are a record keeper of his wrongs and dangerous with his weaknesses.


Dating tips for the mature woman

In your late thirties and forties, you know yourself a bit better and are more sure about what you want. This can make dating seem a little more complicated. Here’s some help …

Being single when you’re young can be fun

Meeting new people is relatively easy and playing the field is great because you’re not yet sure what you want. Dating later in life, on the other hand, can be quite difficult.

In your late thirties and forties, you know yourself a bit better and are more sure about what you want. This can make dating seem a little more complicated. That and the fact that many people are already in long-term committed relationships.

However, there are a few ways to make dating later in life a little easier:

Be picky about who you date

When you’re young, dating many different people helps you figure out what you want (and don’t want) in a relationship. As you get older you’re more likely to already have those answers.

You’re a busy person and your time is valuable, so don’t waste it by going for drinks with people you’re sure you don’t want to be in a relationship with. Date people you haven’t made up your mind about yet, but keep things casual until you’re certain.

Just don’t go out for dinner with someone you’re definitely not interested in, just because you don’t know how to say “no”.

You’re a busy person and your time is valuable, so don’t waste it by going for drinks with people you’re sure you don’t want to be in a relationship with

Choose an interesting activity

Dinner and a movie is a tried and tested date template. And it does give you time to talk, which is always great. But if you want to know whether you’re compatible with someone from the beginning, do something a little different.

Pick an activity you’re interested in, like hiking or fishing, and see if they enjoy themselves. You don’t want to date someone who hates being at sea if you’re taking sailing courses in Cape Town

You’ve found your hobbies and you know what you enjoy, so don’t enter into a relationship with someone who’s going to have a problem with that.

Be honest and direct

Tell the person you’re dating what you’re looking for in a relationship from the very beginning (although maybe not on the first date).

If you’re looking for something long-term, you don’t want to date someone who’s interested in keeping it casual. And if you’re only interested in a part-time love affair, telling them up front is the right thing to do. You know what you want and you should make that clear.

Dating later in life may seem difficult, but it also has its perks. You’re more sure of who you are, you’ve established your career and you’re more emotionally stable. So get out there and enjoy it!

What To Do When Your Spouse Cheats On You

To start off, unfaithfulness is a painful thing to handle especially when you feel you’ve been doing your best to love your spouse. Here are some suggestions on how to handle the issue.

1. Ask yourself if you still love your spouse and why? What qualities do you find attractive in him/her?

2. Ask yourself if going back to your spouse is endangering your life. Has your spouse been beating you up? Threatening you? Be rational. Use your mind. Stay objective.

3. Decide. Are you going to make this marriage work or not? You have every right to end this marriage on grounds of unfaithfulness OR you can choose to make it work. Either you are fully in, or fully out. If you are fully in, you have to work on putting this behind you. The choice is yours.

4. Be clear to your spouse that he/she is not doing you a favour by staying married to you. If you stay married, he/she has to honour the marriage. You should not be held at ransom. Make sure your spouse knows that cheating is unacceptable. You are not at the mercy of your unfaithful spouse. You value marriage, but your life will not lose meaning if your marriage ends.

5. If you have a child/children, still make the decision based on you and your spouse. Many stay in the marriage for the sake of the children and throw away an opportunity to work things out as a couple. Don’t bury things under the carpet for the sake of the children.

6. No matter how difficult, listen to your spouse’s explanation why he/she cheated and why he/she cheated with the person or people in question. There is no justification for cheating, but still listen to your spouse’s side of the story.

7. Ask your spouse if he/she wants to make the marriage work. Let your spouse give you a YES or NO answer.

8. Give your spouse a chance to apologize. He/she has to own up to their mistake and say sorry.

9. Pray together.

Your prayer – Lord Jesus, teach me to forgive. Forgive my wife/husband, forgive me where we both have fallen short. Heal our marriage. Hold our marriage together. In Jesus’ name. AMEN.

Your spouse’s prayer – Lord Jesus, forgive me for my unfaithfulness. Order my steps. Lead me. Give our marriage another chance. Keep my spouse and I as one. In Jesus’ name. AMEN.

10. Both of you discuss about the areas your marriage needs to improve: Trust, communication, prayers, quality time, sex life, finances. Analyze your marriage and agree on how to improve it. Both of you own your marriage afresh. Emphasizing that there is no excuse for cheating, but your marriage needs work.

11. Make your vows to each other afresh. Make it an intimate ceremony. If you wish you may invite two or three witnesses or do it just the two of you. Record this day whether on video, photos or writing.

12. Let your spouse agree, no more communication with the person or people he/she cheated with. Whether it is through writing a text or calling in your presence to tell that other woman/man that there can no longer communicate. Block that person’s phone number. Cut off communication.

13. Pray together more often. Play worship music in the house often. Set a mood of worship in the house. Worship will bring about healing.

14. Maintain your calm. Don’t shout. Don’t push your spouse away by being angry. Draw him/her nearer to you with love. Make your spouse feel forgiven. Love covers a multitude of sins.

15. Establish an environment of trust, security and comfort so that you both feel safe to share issues. Prevent unfaithfulness from repeating itself. Help your spouse not to fall again.

16. Don’t dwell on this matter. Talk about other things. More positive things.

17. Do more together. Find things to do together. Cook together, play games together, laugh, take walks.

18. Go out on dates. Get to being comfortable together in public. Treat your spouse special. Romance your spouse. Travel. Save up and go for a trip. Make new memories. Have fun.

19. Take new photos together. Take a studio photo together then frame and hang in your house. Celebrate your love.

20. Build yourself. Grow as an individual. Keep making your spouse proud. Shine. Give your marriage new success stories.

21 Things You Should Never Lose!

You should NOT:

1. Lose the best life partner you will ever have, because you were too afraid to venture into love.

2. Lose a friendship, because of a minor and petty misunderstanding.

3. Lose your marriage, because you were unfaithful or selfish.

4. Lose time, because you are a procrastinator.

5. Lose your voice and contribution in public, because you are shy and scared what the public might think.

6. Lose your temper, on someone and something that is not worth it.

7. Lose your dignity, because you lowered your standards in order to fit in.

8. Lose your sense of direction, because you bowed down to peer pressure.

9. Lose your health, because of a destructive habit you knew was not good for you.

10. Lose your child, because you were irresponsible.

11. Lose your dreams, because the road to your dreams had hurdles but you gave up too quickly.

12. Lose your vision of a better future, because you are still caught up in the past.

13. Lose an amazing relationship, because you were too proud to say sorry or to forgive, too caught up picking up fights.

14. Lose your sleep, because of the end of a relationship that was toxic.

15. Lose your peace, yet God is on your side and will take care of it.

16. Lose your faith in love, because the people you have been choosing to love were wrong choices.

17. Lose your uniqueness, because the world tells you what is so unique about you is not good enough.

18. Lose your relationship with God, because you thought you can do without your Creator.

19. Lose yourself, because you are always trying to make everyone happy as they use you that you forget about yourself and the purpose in life that only you were born to do.

20. Lose love, because you choose to be on the side of hate and bitterness.

21. Lose your worth, because you listen to the negative words people say about you and you beat yourself up for mistakes you did.

12 Things Most Men Are Afraid To Tell Their Woman

1. “My ex called me”

Many women get insecure about any contact from their man’s ex even if the man and the ex are completely through and nothing can happen. The ex might have called to say hello, for business or nothing harmful. Yes, boundaries must be kept. The insecurity of many women is what makes many men keep secrets from them and secrets birth mistrust and complications. Lady, be so easy to talk to that your man can tell you his conversations with women at work and where he goes. Don’t jump into conclusions or else, he will keep things from you. Be secure on your throne, no one can take your place

2. “Your weave stinks”

Natural hair is good. But if a woman is going to wear a weave, the weave should be well done and well-maintained to avoid foul smells which the man will notice when near her, hugging her, holding her.

broke
3. “I am broke”

Yes, men can run out of money despite the expectation that they must provide or foot the bills. Sometimes even if a man has money, he could be having many needs and responsibilities yet the woman puts pressure on him to meet her needs that may not even be that important, especially if the woman is the type who says “His money is mine, my money is mine”. The man might end up running into debt or despising the demanding woman who would belittle him if he says he can’t afford it.

4. “I am not your dad”

Some women expect their man to be like their father; either because their dad was absent in their life growing up, or because their dad was such a loving and big figure in their life and so the woman wants the man to continue what daddy was doing. But she should address her daddy issues, her man is not her dad to treat her like a girl, baby sit and raise her; he is her man with his own personality and perspective to treat her as a woman, grow with her as they help each other.

couple-fight
5. “Give me space”

When the man goes silent for a few hours, many women easily take this to mean his love for her is dying. She gets defensive and suspicious, nagging him yet he doesn’t know how to say “My Honey, I love you and enjoy your company but sometimes I need time alone for me. Relax, I am not going anywhere”. Of course it helps when your man lets you know he needs sometime by himself, but whether he tells you or not, don’t choke him by being too demanding. Let him miss you sometimes.

6. “That woman is beautiful”

The world is full of many beautiful women, even when a man gets married, he will notice these beautiful women. Some will be his sisters, his friends, strangers or celebrities. Ogling at other women is wrong but appreciating them is not. It is wrong when appreciation turns into flirting. It’s OK to compliment other women but before he does so, he must shower his woman most with praise. There are many beautiful women but to him, she is the most beautiful. Besides, he loves her for more than just her beauty but her entire package. So relax woman, your position is secure even in a sea of beautiful women.

7. “Can we have a small wedding?”

It is often said the wedding is done for the woman. The woman is often the one who has long been dreaming over every detail of her wedding, the man has been dreaming of marrying her whichever way possible. It is possible to find the right partner but lack enough resources to pull off a dream wedding. The wedding is important but the marriage is most important. Don’t stress yourself over a wedding you can’t afford at the time, don’t start hating on your friends when they fall short in supporting your wedding fundraising. A small and low budget wedding can also be rich in love. You can do it small now, then bigger years later when you have built your empire as a couple. Don’t have an expensive wedding only to start marriage in debt.

8. “You are fat”

Being big bodied is a good thing. The female body changes over time. Some women look good with a big body. But there is being big bodied and then there is being fat. A man might shy away from telling her woman “Please do something about your body. Work out” because her feelings might get hurt. Deep down, he feels bad about her letting herself loose; and more so, he is concerned about her health.

9. “I wish you had an inner drive and ambition”

A man loves it when a woman challenges him intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and socially. A woman he can have a deep conversation with, maybe even debate on issues with. But some women become lazy, lack ambition, don’t grow and remain as they were when she and him met. She should advance herself, or else he might find her boring and find conversations with other women more stimulating.

10. “Please don’t rush me”

It is very important for a woman to know where the relationship/ marriage with/ to him is heading to but she shouldn’t nag him and corner him because she is competing with her peers. Love isn’t built in a day, love has no formula and sometimes a man doesn’t have everything figured out. No relationship/ marriage is the same. Some date for two months then get married, others court for two years, five years, or eight years then they marry. Taking the relationship to the next level, moves in the marriage should be done when both are ready, not because the man is rushed to propose or the woman is forced to say yes.

11. “I wish you can be more sexually hungry or appealing”

Some women expect their husbands to be faithful but they don’t work on their sex appeal. They are too rigid, boring, closed minded, self-conscious, numb, and pouring cold water on the man’s advances. They don’t dress to impress, no more lingerie, they never initiate intimacy making the man feel he is the only one in need of pleasure. They are ever tired, giving excuses, starting other stories when he is busy trying to please her and they get distracted in the middle of the action. Some forget about the husband and pleasing him as soon the baby/ babies come in the picture.

12. “Don’t compare us with your friends”

Many women compare their relationship/ marriage with that of others. They undermine their own love and admire that of others, crashing the man’s efforts. They keep yapping “I wish we were like so and so” “I wish we had this and that like so and so”… the man ends up feeling demoralized and unappreciated because no matter how hard he tries, she is always fixated on where the grass appears greener.