by Anthony Rockliffe
How many times have you personally felt in your relationship that you were expected to be a mind reader? …
How many times have you personally felt in your relationship that you were expected to be a mind reader?
You were expected to just know what the other person was thinking or feeling, or know what you (according to the other person) have done wrong.
It’s easy to start thinking that your partner is playing mind games and is just being vindictive
After all, they surely know that you can’t read their minds? Come on, they can’t read yours, so how can you be expected to read theirs?
I challenge you, for the sake of your relationship, to consider that this isn’t the case after all. Think about it for a second: when you know something is true, when something is very obvious to you, you assume that it is so for everyone else.
This is why other people’s behavior bothers you so much. We tend to think that everyone shares our beliefs, and has their moral compasses set the same way as ours, so when someone behaves in a way that you wouldn’t, you feel offended. Surely they know better? They don’t. If they did they wouldn’t behave that way, and who says what is better?
We tend to think that everyone shares our beliefs, and has their moral compasses set the same way as ours, so when someone behaves in a way that you wouldn’t, you feel offended
So now think about your partner in those moments when they get upset over something YOU did, and expect you to know what it is that you have done wrong.
They are falling into the very same trap that you fall into on a regular basis. Now you know that they probably aren’t playing mind games and really do believe that you know exactly what they are thinking. Let them off the hook.
How do you deal with this though?
Most people just attack the other person and it becomes one of many fights. You won’t like the answer, but it is the way forward.
In that moment when you feel like attacking, take one for the team. Wait until cooler heads can prevail, and then when the moment has passed you can discuss it CALMLY and RATIONALLY.
Don’t think you can deal with it in the heat of the moment: no one ever thinks straight in the middle of a furnace.