Situationship? More like situation dinghy! Why a dinghy? Well, a dinghy is a type of small boat, often carried or towed for use as a lifeboat or tender by a larger vessel. Let’s use this as a metaphor for your situation, shall we? Let’s say you are in a situation dinghy; you are attached to the ship that’s making the moves. You’re just being carried along on the side for the ride. They use you in times of emergency or support. But you’re facing the rocky waters by merely hanging on, being hit by waves of multiple situations. Kenan Peel said it best… “Get Out.”
Lets break down the signs and symptoms of a stituationship:
Titles: You don’t have one
You have no idea how to even begin addressing them. “This is my… umm..” “well, it’s complicated” “we’re just hanging” “seeing how it goes.” Firstly, life is way far too short for you to be actively inviting complication. Secondly, if there’s no name then there’s nothing… reply “This is my nothing…for now.”
Consistency: They lost the key
Can you count on them? Are they making real plans, not weekends indoors or texting you at random hours? Heck! Are they even checking up on you? Do they show up? If the answer is no then their consistency left the key at the door of his main focus… sorry.
Sex: This is how they confuse you
The sex is often what keeps the perplexing the nature of your situationship going. Besides the fact that it’s the quickest cure for loneliness, there’s often an addictive and/or readily available body part involved. “Why are you still messing with him/her?” your friends will ask…remember if you’ve found yourself constantly asking, “Why am I putting up with this?” And can’t seem to wrap your head around the answer, chances are the sex has a lot to do with it. There’s still hope for you.
PDA: Public denial of affection
The new trend is not to post our actual relationships on social media, hence how situationships are on the rise. But do you leave the house and actually publicly do things? Do they at least hold your hand? Wink at you? A cheeky smile? Have you even taken a cute cuddly photo together? If not, try ask for any of the above and see how that convo go
Vitamin D: We already talked about sex
See the light! I mean do you actually leave the house and see daylight? Do you know what day it is or are you cooped up in the house like a couple of vampires? If you take the time to reflect, you may find that most of the time you’ve spent together is in a closed setting and/or mostly at night. You’re either at his place or she’s at yours and there’s hardly ever anyone else around.
The Nerve: Butterflies in the stomach
Just because situationships are packaged as expectation, emotion and problem free doesn’t mean they’re stress free. You know that feeling you get when your raising in love? That lovely tingle mixed with nerves and longing… yeah! this isn’t that. You know you’re in a situationship when you feel anxious because there’s so much uncertainty. This vague replica of a relationship leaves you feeling on edge. You wonder who they’re with? are they still into you? and generally unfulfilled. Getting bored of the situation slowly checks in soon after.
A situationship is basically defined as a pseudo-relationship. A placebo masking itself as a developmental relationship. It smells like a relationship, it sorta looks like a relationship, and it may even feel like a real one, but it’s not. It’s just a sinking ship. You’re somewhere between friend with benefits, relationship and nothing… You’re confused but there’s medication.t
If you’e cool with what you have and want to keep it that way, first ask yourself: Am I really happy? like really really happy or am I just making them happy? what am I really getting from this? where is this even going?
Make sure you’re not pushing your own needs and wants aside just because you want to satisfy someone else’s or because you feel a little lonely. Demand what you want, or atleast put it on the table. With over 7 Billion people in the world, you and your happiness trumps all of it.
Start off by setting some boundaries. Are you going to talk about who else you’re both sleeping with? Are you going to do weekday overnights? are you going to leave the house?Are you going to hang just the two of you or with each other’s friends? You need to be clear the minute you catch a feeling and always have your cards on the table. Be clear you’re both on the exact same page with the same expectations because a situatonship breakup is actually a pain like never before!
And if you actually want more, speak up! You don’t have to come right out and say “so what are we” but you could try “I really enjoy being with you, have you thought about giving this a shot?” Then compliment, just make sure you’re doing all of this sober. Trust me! How would I know about a situationship? well, I recently found myself crawling out of one. That’s a story for another day, but when I say ” Jesus took the wheel!” trust me I never want any of you to fall down that hole. Final tips to keep in mind, if they come up with an excuse every time you try bring it up. If thy seem to thrive in the casual scenario without an end date, without you in their future agenda—don’t expect things to change.