Change your mindset or stay single

I know where you’re at

If you’ve clicked on this article, you’re more than likely single. Maybe you’re in the dating scene, maybe not, but ultimately, you’re seriously wanting to meet a nice, decent guy.

Maybe you’re the woman who has been in and out of a few really stinky relationships and you’re now at the stage where you think there are simply no decent men around, that they are all the same and that you’re doomed to be single forever. No marriage,  no children – just 2 dogs and a cat! Oh the drama! 

I am definitely no relationship expert, but I’ve been at every stage that I have just mentioned. I have been down in the deepest of dumps. Lied to, cheated on, humiliated – all (repeat) chapters in my little book of life.

I was even considering sperm donation at one stage. That is how convinced I was that I was NEVER going to find a normal, wonderful man with whom to share my life.

I blame this stage on over-thinking, being 30 and conducting far too many searches on Google about female fertility. My thoughts were like a steam train: Turning 35 was only five years away. At 35 your fertility drops dramatically. I only have five fertile years left!  I still have to meet someone, fall in love, get engaged and get married. What if this…? What if that…?

It was mentally exhausting! 

Some women get very faulty in their thirties if they’re still single, with no man in sight and their biological clock is in overdrive. I was 100 per cent one of ‘those women’.

So – how did I get myself out of this pity party for one and into a great, healthy relationship? 

Let me start by saying it was not an overnight thing. I did not wake up one morning and decide that I was no longer anxious about my life and the lack of ‘decent man-love’ in it.

The surrender was slow and it was sweet 

I say surrender because that is what I started to do.

I realised (gradually) that I was a prisoner of not only my thoughts, but also my past. I was hanging on (tightly) to so many bad experiences.

Focusing too much on the negative side of things about my past, what I thought the future held for me and, what I thought about myself. So, I started taking my negatives and turning them into realistic positives.

Here are a few, to give you an example:

‘All men lie and cheat’ changed to, ‘Loads of men lie and cheat, but there have to be just as many out there who are honest and loyal. THEY ARE NOT ALL THE SAME.’

‘I am running out of time’ changed to, ‘Look around, so much can happen in a short space of time!’

‘My fertility is fading fast’ changed to, ‘So many women are having their first baby at 35 and older these days. Get a grip!

‘I’m never going to meet a decent man’ changed to, ‘Surely I have to meet a nice guy eventually’

‘I wish I’d done/handled things differently and not wasted so much time’ changed to, ‘I did what I felt was right at the time. I have learnt valuable lessons. I know what I want and do not want from a relationship. Yes, the time is gone, but being bitter about it won’t bring it back, so why waste MORE time being miserable?’

Acceptance and positivity feel so much better than dwelling/brooding and being negative.

BUT, the number one thing that helped me, was recognising my worth and building my self-esteem. And this is how you can work on yours too…

Once I got my negativity filter working again, so much more started falling into place for me.

Because I was thinking about things more positively, I started to see myself in a more positive light too and this is when the magic started to happen.

You see, a woman who does not place a high value on herself will accept less than the best from most things in her life – including relationships.

When you start ‘taking stock’ of yourself, it’s like a whole new world

You realise and BELIEVE – belief is key – that you are an amazing person and deserve a good man. You won’t accept being treated even remotely badly. You will be OK with being on your own until the right, deserving man comes along. You will be at peace with whenever that happens.

You know what happens when all this is going on within you? All the hard, bitter vibes you were giving off go away. Your confidence soars. You’re strong – not desperate. And, most importantly, you are open and ready to meet a good man.

Oprah keeps a gratitude journal. I think it’s wonderful. You know what you need? A list of reasons why you are one super awesome human and why any man would be blessed beyond words to have someone like you in his life. Write it all down – yes, you might feel corny doing it, but it will help you.

Men can tell the difference between a woman who knows her worth and a woman who doesn’t have a clue. Always! 

Sure, a rotten man will try his luck with a ‘worthy woman’, but he won’t stand a chance. She will be too strong. She will be too much work for someone like him. And, when I say ‘work’, I mean the normal stuff like honesty, respect etc – the things that just aren’t his thing.

When you are in a good space in your head/your life, it’s like there is a magnet within you that just keeps attracting more and more good. I’m not saying that the man of your dreams is going to magically appear in front of you, but if you keep yourself focused on the positives about yourself and your life – your inner light  (your little lighthouse for love) will be burning so bright it can’t help but lead Mr. Right to you.

I know this to be true, because it happened to me!

Pack up your past. Accept it. Find the good. Focus on you. Happy times await!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *